les histoires de cœur

One week ago, early on Saturday morning, I woke up to an email from a best friend. Subject: :). I knew exactly what it was about, even before opening. I called immediately. She'd gotten engaged. My best friend, engaged! And to such a good man! Who loves her so! I've been completely thrilled for them ever since. They so totally deserve their very own happily ever after. And the wedding, gosh, the wedding. She's going to be absolutely stunning and the party will be phenomenal. Outside of our wonderful shared friends, she has other fabulous friends from home and med school, and an amazing family, too. I might be excited to bask in love again.

{home sweet home}

Currently, I might also be in the midst of a thorough self-reflection on the love I've had, have, and will soon/eventually have. I've been thinking about how well I've been honoring and respecting the love I give as well--to myself and to others. Big stuff, people.

I feel like we're not warned enough about how crazy-confusing this twenty-something period of time in our lives is. The rapid flux between the best and worst days is insane. Even navigating with optimism, as I try to do most often, does not ensure peace of mind and heart. It's why I appreciate the lived wisdom from Kate's Project 30s: real perspective from real women who've reached that sense of self I've been told to expect in the next decade. I look forward to it like none other; being able to look back and realize the haphazard journey made perfect sense; wishing with all my heart that I hadn't worried so much about things falling into place.

This is not to say that everything's not still going really well right now--it is. Life is abundant. It's just awkward to be aware of the breadth of post-college trajectories, to know I'm living a pretty alternative one, and to be completely secure in it, day in and day out.

And, to be grateful at the same time, too. I appreciate how fortunate I am to have this time to experience more of the world. I'm thrilled to fiercely study my passions and prepare for a career I can believe in; especially paired with the love of one profoundly special family and friends upon friends scattered across the globe. There will be absolutely no regrets to be had.

I've evolved so much since I last visited K in Oklahoma. If you were a reader then, you may recall we spent our last night watching Like Crazy. What I also remember (and what I failed to mention here) is that I was the only one to desperately enjoy it. I'd needed to see the heartbreaking flaws in another promise. But, that was then, and this is now. A few days ago, I laughed when my 18-year-old sister told me she wants to get married at 26. "Aw," I replied, "just concentrate on happiness. Your love story has its own plan."

"Love will sprinkle itself into your life in little opportune tid bits that are most often completely inopportune and you'll have to choose whether or not you're willing to sacrifice that pride wall you spent all this time building.

. . .

So when the question is how do I find and choose love again, I think the answer is that it’s nothing to be found, it’s there, and choosing it is just very gently reaching out and holding its hand. It’s the most unexpected place and it’s the most overlooked. It requires you to understand that love is far more, far greater and far more poignant than a failed relationship or two, if not romance as a whole. And it requires you to not force it, not lament the certainty of it’s existence and not complain that it isn’t grandeur enough. It’s letting the very small whispers inside you become full fledge symphonies and never worrying that your song isn’t what someone else wants to hear. That’s what the real gesture is, and I hope you do choose to make it."

(Read Brianna Wiest's full Thought Catalog article here)