disorderly conduct

Pst, I have a little secret to tell you...


I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I don't believe I've ever had a disorder, and these days, I approach most meals just fine, but food will probably never be "just be food" again. At one time it was. I remember forgetting to eat lunch a few times. I recall cravings being the only the thing to keep me from or direct me to a particular dish. I ate when I was hungry, (healthy foods mostly, because that's what I liked), I stopped when I was full, and sometimes I ate a brownie just because I wanted to, without a second thought. 

Until one day I didn't. I was 18 when I realized I could no longer eat anything I wanted without gaining weight. It was then that food became calories, dangerous, something that needed to be controlled. I'm not without emotions either, so these sudden changes brought about guilt, anxiety, and compulsion. Mix it all together and... disordered eating was born.

It was minimal when I was happy, when I felt loved, when I looked good. Yet as soon as life overwhelmed me--a messy breakup, falling in love, homesickness, reverse culture shock--it began again. It was during that last period that I met Gena; The same friend who's departing dinner party I attended last night.

As much as I thoroughly enjoyed our fabulous meal (courtesy of Vérité), I have since not gone raw nor vegan. What I've found, on the other hand, is an appreciation for food, both healthful and not, as nourishment and as pleasure. And equally as important, a group of friends who have inspired such discoveries.

Amidst five amazing courses (of gazpacho, sweet potato-mushroom soup, spinach salad with jicama and sunflower seeds, brown rice risotto cake with coulis, and, my favorite part, a mini coconut cupcake and fresh mango ice cream) we exchanged stories, opinions and laughter. I was honored to be surrounded by such personality, intelligence, passion and fun, to be included in our quirky little corner of this New York blogging community. It was quite the Sunday evening.

Thank you to (left to right, top to bottom) Diana, Leslie, Sofia, Kathleen, Katie, Melissa, Dori, and Ada for being your wonderful selves, and a special thank you to Miss Gena for bringing us together at such a beautiful meal. The dinner, I might add, was not just thrown by her, but it was also in her honor. Gena is embarking on her next adventure in Washington, D.C. It couldn't be more exciting or right for her, but boy are we going to miss her here. I believe travel is necessary and beneficial for all, that living elsewhere is even more so, and yet, as a new Manhattanite, I'm already looking forward to her next trip "home" :).