And there you have it. This is where I'm at. It's almost disappointing how this road of mine has been so altered by significant others. I prefer to think of myself as strong, independent, and self-sufficient. I don't need a guy to be happy or healthy. Still, I'm tired with pretending to be sure of myself and of my situation. I hadn't believed it before but it does feel better to put it all out there: I've loved, I've lost, my life isn't perfect. If nothing else, others can surely relate... right?
Honesty is always a positive thing. Life goes on. What a relief.
Anyway, now that it is over and done with, I've decided to just let it be. I've said more than enough now and there really isn't anything left to talk about. So, I wont. That's not to say that I won't continue to reflect from time to time, just that I will set the negativity free, that I will no longer dwell, nor blame myself, (or at least try my best not to). Instead, I am going to take each day at a time. I'm going to focus on, as I said last week, myself and what brings me joy. I'm going to continue blogging about health and travel and the delectable parts of life that make them both so enjoyable (after this therapeutic saga, I'm sure it'll be a welcome return for us both). I'm going to appreciate little things, be impressed by small accomplishments, and be grateful for those I've had in my life all along. And one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, I will be my complete self again. Such things are inevitable when living the life you deserve. I can hardly wait.
Thank you for your time, comments, tweets, e-mails, and unwavering support. Happy Thanksgiving.
i will write you a longer email today, i hope.
ReplyDeletebut just wanted to say: I LOVE YOU. and this: "I prefer to think of myself as strong, independent, and self-sufficient. I don't need a guy to be happy or healthy." that is the truth. don't forget it, ok?
and happy thanksgiving, dear. :)
Yes!
ReplyDelete...and, as counter-intuitive as your pain makes it sound, I am encouraged by your honesty.
Are you open to advice?
Doing what your mom says because you're supposed to seems unintentionally dependent.
Recognizing and tapping into a huge source of wisdom that is both trustworthy and aligned with your interests is smart, strong, intentionally dependent (=independent) and self-sufficient.
So, simply, ask your mother what to do and do it.
Happiness is a state of mind, not a basketful of circumstances - so, you're absolutely right, you don't need a guy.
But, IMO, a relationship can be a pleasure worth the cost of pursuit and pain. And intentional dependence is as powerful as independence. So, pursue and give without doubt - if you wish.
I know I am independent, but I love having a guy in my life to share the amazing parts with.
ReplyDeleteI know relationships make me crazy but we are all going to be in one for the long haul and we might as well practice, right?
so i've read through this series and i don't think there's something wrong with you for letting your relationships act as markers between different periods in your life. relationships, if you take them seriously, are a big flippin' deal and anyone who says otherwise doesn't take it seriously, or as seriously as intense folk such as us :) my life has been hugely impacted by relationships/ guys i've dated/ whatever, and that's okay. so long as i turn this impact into something positive, i don't think it's a bad thing. for example, after my super-tough breakup two years ago, i was an absolute train wreck for oh, a year or so, but finally pulled it together and used the sadness by turning it into motivation to do everything i was so scared of doing... except this time on my own without anybody backing me up and supporting me, telling me i was beautiful, all that jazz. i achieved more on my own after such immense heartbreak. funny how that works, huh? you've already done so much and are only destined for more. okay? okay. you got this.
ReplyDeleteleslie: Love you too :) thanks for always being such amazing friend.
ReplyDeleteClinton: THANK YOU! I appreciate every bit of that advice and I will most definitely take it to heart.
Sana: Yes, you're so very right. I agree. But I think it's that fact that makes this so hard to move on from. I'm really hoping that there just means that there's even a better guy to practice with :).
crunchygranolagal: Wise, wise words. Thank you so much! I'm so glad to have you in my life :).
This post isn't just inspiring for other women, but is so empowering that you came to this realization.
ReplyDeleteyou are strong with or without any dude in your life! I think it is important to know, love and feel strong with yourself first :)
xxoo
I just finished reading your entire series and i am absolutely wow'd. you wrote an amazing few posts and it is enlightening to see how far you've come, what you've learned, and what you have done for yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you beautiful. I hope we can see each other again soon; i miss you after HLS!
Kris: I'm so, so glad to hear that and thank you!
ReplyDeleteTrying to Heal: Aw, I really appreciate that! Thanks so much. I hope to see you soon too! I'll keep you posted on where the near future takes me :)
Hey Danielle! I hadn't seen this series when I've read your blog before, but just now I caught up with the whole thing. I can totally identify with guy relationships underlying everything you do, playing as a background even if you were to avoid writing about it in a blog post. Even if you or I have pretended to be the confident single girl, I feel like for me it's not possible to get over someone unless something new replaces it. I can't stretch out other parts of my life to cover the whole all too well. I've found though that someone new will come along, and even if they leave, they are enough for me to get over that old guy and put him behind me for good. A new guy will come for you, and he bring such goodness into your life and help you see why it is good you have left your old relationships in the past. Newness helps you forget and let go. Lost relationships are worth the pain and all the effort you put into them - nothing is wasted. It was what you needed at the time, it made you feel good then, and you have taken away experience and memories. And now, you are beautiful and smart and there will always be tomorrow ahead of you!
ReplyDeleteruby red: Hi love! Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts. You're probably right and I know that there's better things ahead. I just have to constantly remind myself of that for the time being :). I really appreciate the encouragement.
ReplyDelete