Saturday, July 24, 2010
walk it out
Trying to be on a constant high is exhausting. I am lucky, I am blessed, and still I am not always happy. Especially today. No matter how absurd it may sound, I think that my constant self-reminding of how much I should appreciate the life I lead often leaves me unsatisfied and unfulfilled.
It's not that I want more of anything, really, because I don't. Most of the time I'm convinced that I have everything I could ever need. As for my dreams of the future, I do not doubt my ability to reach them and am usually not pressured by the passing of time. I don't like the expressions that regard time in the sense of money, i.e. wasting, spending, borrowing. If we're always looking at life in the sense of lost time, how can we ever really enjoy the now? The gloriously sweet moments that make up each day may be small but they're there and there is no reason not to recognize them.
So from there, I wonder if I'm lonely. And then I realize that such a state of being is otherwise impossible. I have friends from home, from school, from blogs even, all within a 100-mile radius, possibly less, and I see them often. I live with my family which, although can be taxing sometimes, is a comfort.
Optimism is a skill as much as it is a way of thinking, and 9/10 times I feel as though I have mastered it. Yet if that is so, how can it be that I am so lucky, blessed, and still unhappy? Hmph, what a day. I need a walk.
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You know, I've been feeling the same way. I have days where I'm ecstatically over-the-moon, but then days where even all the little things add up to leave me still feeling like something's not right. I think we can be happy, always, but mistake the lack of overt joy for a lack of happiness, despite being content. Does that make sense?
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ReplyDeleteThere are times when I also feel the same but then it goes away. Humans weren't meant to be happy 100% of the time, so that when we ARE happy we appreciate it more.
ReplyDeleteAlso, not being happy with where one is in life is what happens to motivated people who never want to stay stagnant. It doesn't mean that you're not grateful for what you do have.
Now I just need to remind myself this when I'm feeling like this. :p
I don't think we are meant to ALWAYS be happy, and that's okay. Sometimes lower points help you to appreciate when you are happy. And walks always help! :)
ReplyDeleteI like the way you phrased it: "optimism is a skill." For me, that statement rings so true, because while I am often happy, I am also easily bummed out by trivial life events. I think I'll take a walk too:)
ReplyDeleteIt's natural and completely necessary. If we didn't get uncomfortable sometimes, we wouldn't grow. There'd be no incentive to! I think it's a sign that you are evolving.
ReplyDeleteOne of the best bits of advice I've ever received was to be kind to myself. So when you feel this way, don't get impatient or tell yourself that you "need" to do anything. You wouldn't do that to a friend, right? It'll work itself out in its own time.
...or maybe it's just been too long since you've seen me! ;)
ah honey, we don't have to be happy every moment of every second of our lives. we can go emo for a bit if we need to, or want to. just be nice to yourself and you'll be back to your old sef.
ReplyDeleteoh girl...i am SO with you on that one! i think i am still trying to figure out why i think that way - sometimes i think its easier for me to be unhappy than happy. its easy to focus on the negative, blame the world and be grumpy - i think it takes much more strength to smile.
ReplyDeletethat being said - we ALL have our days.
let's make tomorrow a happy one, eh?
p.s. watched your v-log - LOVE your dress and pretty convinced you are the cutest gal ever. can't wait for our madtown meet up :)
Faith @ LovelyAsCharged: It makes perfect sense. Thank you for sharing! Content it is, my dear.
ReplyDeletectran85: Oops! ;)
Cindy: Wonderful reminders, I'll try to be there when you forget yourself :).
Megan D: You're so right, and I think believe it's okay actually will help me feel better when days/moments like these come 'round. Thanks, girl!
BroccoliHut: See you out there!
irleygirl: I am sending you a virtual hug! I know I thanked you in the office today alreadyl, but once again, I appreciate this sound advice so so so much. Thank you!!!
Trying To Heal: Emo it is ;) thanks so much for your kind encouragement.
Holly: Yes, we all have our days. But: Today will be a happy one. <- Sounds like a spectacular daily affirmation, don't ya think? By the way, your P.S. is too sweet! Can't wait to meet you either!