my biggest fan

Good morning my glorious sunshines! I must preface with a disclaimer: I have slept all of seven hours in the past two nights combined, most areas of life are stressing me out, and this blogalicious idea has been brewing in my tragically-fried brain for quite some time now. Excited I'm back aren't you? So am I :).

Yesterday, as you probably very well know, was International Women's Day. The purpose of this thousand-year old tradition is to have "a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future." Many ladies, organizations, and establishments recognized just that and made their annual tradition to ensuring, "that the future for girls is bright, equal, safe and rewarding." But who, I ask, is advocating on their behalf?

I could take a very serious point of view on all this, but I'm not (1) because I am simply not in the right mind to do so and (2) because I don't think that posting something encyclopedia-like is going to make any real difference in the lives of my female friends, my sisters, and the many inspirational women in my life. My response to my self-imposed question then, is that we should all be supporting ourselves each and every day. Why? Because we are all worthy human beings. There doesn't need to be more of a reason than that.

Within my hectic lifestyle recently, I have been relying on campus-prepared sandwiches, coffee, and bottled water to keep me going. I have been doing most of what I need to (hehe, occasional bad ass) on time and with finesse. And, most importantly, I will continue to do what is necessary to make me happy and fulfilled because I've realized that the person that needs to oftentimes matter most in my life, is me, even if I do consistently lose sight of the fact.

I say this not only to share a recent "aha" moment, but also to encourage you to do the same. I sat with my CNY Yoga instructor yesterday to conduct yet one of many interviews as I delve deeper into my research of integrative medicine. One of the many things she said to me that really struck a chord, was this: "“When I look back at who I used to be, and who I’ve become, I can’t help but feel blissful.” I want to believe that I will be able to say that one day.

Giving back to others, my community, and our world has and always will be a priority in my life, but that same drive to be a better person, for everyone's sake but my own, has the constant potential to back fire. The truth is, self-love and -appreciation is not selfish. In that case, at least I've mastered my self-motivation on the educational front, right? 

Well, I am certainly content with the fact that I have always strove to do well academically, not to make my parent's proud, not to impress others, and definitely not to have a competitive edge compared to my fellow students; working hard and trying my best has always been simply for me. Kind of like the my green tea "Monday treat" for productivity at the Strong Heart's café.

But when I think about why I move, which these days is predominately in the form of yoga, I can't always be so sure. I do know that I always walk away from the mat feeling accomplished, centered, and serene. Still, I also am very much aware that I am extremely self-critical and when I miss a class, for whatever reason, I often feel guilty and lazy, followed by a series of negative thoughts that reflect ever-present insecurities.

From there, I wonder if I eat well, eat foods that I honestly do enjoy, in order to have a strong body, then why do I feel like a failure when I savor something less than nutritionally-sound that is, at the time, equally as pleasing and appropriate? Deep down, I'll admit (and I hope I'm not alone here), is that sometimes I am "healthy" as a means to conform to a female ideal. Eating well and exercising regularly most often results in a visually-appealing physique for him, them, and well, everyone else.

But what about me? I deserve to feel good, look good, and be healthy through and through for my own personal well-being, am I right? You don't have to answer that ;). Because this time around, I don't doubt it for one second :) I believe that every single one of us is worth that much and so much more. In the end, I want to be happy with who I am and who I am becoming.

I'd like to reaffirm that fact right now: that I am worth it, that I deserve to be healthy no matter what healthy looks like, that I will enjoy how well I take care of myself for the multitude of my benefits, and that I will allow room for fun without any second thoughts. It's definitely easier said than done, and I might just have to remind myself of it every single day but something that personally vital... (oh yeah, you know it's coming) is worth it.

And so today, as my hours have blurred together, and the morning (when I initially began preparing this post) has somehow evolved into the afternoon, I have decided to let you in on a little secret of mine, I will be running the 32nd Annual Mountain Goat Run in Syracuse on May 2nd. Maybe I'm crazy- the course is about 10 miles/3K (I haven't decided which one yet) with varying elevations, I've hardly ran since my last summer and have only have 8 weeks-but who cares if all I intend to do is finish it? It doesn't matter how I do, only why I'm doing it...  to satisfy myself and my inner-potential. I deserve it.

Yes, you're mad, bonkers, off your head. But I'll tell you a secret... All the best people are."

Still quoting Alice and Wonderland you ask? Oh yes I am. Please see it soon! As for me, I'll be back sometime before the end of the week... assuming I survive my midterms ;). Until then, I hope you find the strength and the  inspiration to dream, to be, and to become anything and anyone that you'd like to... all for you.


P.S. I'm always cheering for you too.